Beyond the S-Bend


A political farce.



Beyond the S-Bend

A political farce.





The back cover blurb . . .

Ambrose is a politician who believes he has achieved spiritual enlightenment. The truth is, he's a smug, right-wing, muddle-headed control freak. Nevertheless, he convinces the nation that he will fulfil his manifesto promise 'to put the dignity of human beings above all else'. He becomes Tory Prime Minister in a landslide victory.

But, within months of taking office he announces plans to build six new mega-sized prisons and introduce national identity cards. It is all part of his personal vision known as The Great Thrust Forward which includes doubling the police force, immigration service, customs & excise and the national coast guard.

When he begins an affair with Helga, a mysterious civil service secretary with fascist tendencies, everything starts to go pear-shaped. His enemies mount a leadership challenge, but not everything runs smoothly in politics.

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and it begins like this . . .


   Although I say so myself, I am not a nutter.  I know that lots of people think I am simply because I practise meditation and believe in spiritual healing.  I accept that you would not normally associate such pursuits with a politician.  But I am different.  My critics do not bother me.  I am happy as I am.  And who am I?  I am The Right Honourable, Sir Ambrose Covey-Crump, MP, Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.  What a grandiose title.  However, I shall mention it no further.  My ego is not what this is all about.

   As I look out of the window, my spirits are lifted by the simple pleasure of observing a fine, spring day.  A perfect setting, not to gloat about my success, but to contemplate the progress of my administration.  As the whole world knows, when I became Conservative Prime Minister, I did so as a result of the biggest electoral landslide in British political history.  I shall not burden you with the statistics, the press and media have thrust those upon you enough as it is.  Besides, it is very important that you understand right from the very beginning that numbers alone are not my abiding consideration. 


Unfortunately, successive governments, both Labour and Tory alike, have failed to grasp the fundamental fact that, even when the economy is good, it does not automatically follow that everyone is happy.  Usually, they are not.  Of course, there are many who are delighted at the fat profits such circumstances produce, but I am concerned with the majority who, in spite of everything, still toil with fear and uncertainty in their hearts.  A vibrant global market place is not to be sneezed at but not at the expense of society as a whole.  It was all very well for Margaret Thatcher to say 'there is no such thing as society', just look at what we have now.  A septic tank screaming out to be purged.  I am resolved to bring about balance and harmony to this great nation of ours.  In so doing, I reject absolutely the alarmist cries from the liberal left that the size of my majority is tantamount to a dictatorship.  The chattering classes were as disillusioned as any of us by our appalling quality of life and that's why so many of them voted for me.  Our manifesto was totally transparent.  It promised the nation exactly what they wanted.  Clear, strong, direction that put the dignity of human beings above all else. 

    Naturally, bearing this in mind, I instructed George Blossom, my Home Secretary to double the police force, the immigration service, customs and excise and the national coast guard. But more about that in a moment. 

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